Ephesians 5:22 and following...

I am, have been, and probably will for the rest of my marriage struggle with these verses and all that relate to them. 'Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.' I don't want to "give up control" and I have just figured this out in only the past few weeks. For all of my married life (almost 7 1/2 years) I have really struggled with letting my husband be the head of our family. For some things I'll "let" him make the decisions, but for other things I'll be stubborn and put my foot down or I'll "let" him make the decision but have a bad attitude about it afterwards. It's so frustrating because I want him to be more of a leader but when he tries to make a decision that I don't like I'll get upset and let him know it.
Now I'm not talking about us not agreeing on bad or abusive situations or anything like that, just everyday type things. One thing is the budget. My husband is tight and strict on the budget. I on the other hand am not. So if I see a good deal on something I want for him or the kids I wanna get it but he says it can wait or we don't need it. I have a hard time sticking within the budget and he gets frustrated and I get frustrated.
My husband talks about how he's going to keep "fighting for me and my love" kinda like my knight in shining armor. I love that idea of my husband being in charge and fighting for me. Yet at the same time I don't want to give up my freedom and control. I want both but biblicaly I can't have both. I need to let him be the leader.
Now as a good leader though he has to take my needs and wants and desires into full consideration. And for the most part he's really good at that. He'll think about the good of our family or future when he tries to make some decisions when I think I only think of myself or the now when I want to make or not allow him to make certain decisions. So what that comes down to is me being selfish :( Wow, never thought of it that way before. But it's so hard to let go. Maybe because the "world" is full of "equal rights" and "a woman can do what ever a man can do". I guess what it really comes down to is the fall in the garden of eden. Genesis 3:16 ' To the women he said, "I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you." '
So I know that this was kinda a long post, thanks for reading. I'm sorry if I jumped around or if this makes no sense what so ever. Just my thoughts typed out how ever they come! Thanks :)